Jesse:
No offense, but you’re not pulling your weight in this venture. Imbued as you are with the gift for gab, how’re you not famous yet? Get off your ass and become a celebrity; that’s apparently the only ingredient you need to launch a billion-dollar liquor company.
Pictured: Jesse & Patrick, triumphantly sipping their New Scotland Spirits
Doubt me? Then cuddle up with the story of Casamigos, the tequila company co-founded by George Clooney as he and a buddy wiled away the hours waiting for their getaway mansions to be complete. In 2017, Casamigos was sold to Diageo for a billion dollars. Yes, a billion, as in a 1 followed by 9 zeroes. It looks like this: $1,000,000,000. All that for a single brand.
Reportedly, the acquisition made Clooney the highest paid actor in all of Hollywood that year. See? He’s just like us.
But Diageo wasn’t done. A year later, it set its sights on Aviation Gin, the company made famous by Ryan Reynolds when he bought a minority stake and began promoting it through a series of concededly entertaining (and typically irreverent) commercials. Since his investment in 2018, Aviation has become “the second-largest brand within the U.S. super-premium gin segment”—growing 100% in 2019 alone.
Because Ryan Reynolds wasn’t successful enough.
Diageo isn’t f**king around. Already the owner of such brands as Johnnie Walker, Smirnoff, and Tanqueray, it came to the Aviation Gin brand with a $610,000,000 offer.
And none of this results from some newfound tactic for the London-based company. Because even before it snatched Clooney’s company, it had already partnered with P. Diddy on his Ciroc vodka brand, and had previously developed Pharrell Williams’s failed Q Qream liqueur.
Are there honestly so few English celebrities with straight teeth that the Brits have to steal all of our celebs? God those people suck.
Wait… and now you’re telling me that Matthew McConaughey has his own f***ing label?! For the love of Christmas, guys, save some pu—I mean shelf space—for the rest of us??
For more celebrity distillers, here’s a list of Beautiful People… kicking it off with the author of The Beautiful People:
Marilyn Manson — Mansinthe
Conor McGregor – Proper No. Twelve Irish Whiskey
Dan Aykroyd – Crystal Head Vodka
Bob Dylan – Heaven’s Door Spirits
Michael Jordan – Cincoro Tequila
Derek Jeter – Bespoken Spirits
Nick Jonas – Villa One Tequila
Kate Hudson – King St. Vodka
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Teremana Tequila
Kenny Chesney – Blue Chair Bay Rum
Sources:Ø www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/celebrities-who-have-their-own-alcohol-brands.htm
Ø www.insider.com/celebrities-with-liquor-labels-2019-4
Ø www.esquire.com/food-drink/drinks/g22118748/best-celebrity-liquors
Ø www.delish.com/food/g32949671/celebrity-alcohol-brands
Ø www.vinepair.com/buy-this-booze/best-celebrity-spirits-brands-ranked
—Patrick